You can taste it in the bacon

I once told Daniel that my butcher was (and indeed still is) gay.
"You can taste it in the bacon," he said.

You can not.

OvErReAcTiOn

"You've bought a new phone charger????"
"Yes."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"That's insane. INSANE!!"

Crocodile identification

Benjamin was saying "crocodile! crocodile!" in the bathroom but all I could see was a triceratops. I scanned the shlef (SPECIAL KIND OF SHELF) below the morror (LARGE DEEP MIRROR) and spotted a tiny, bright green maggotty toy 'crocodile', about the size of a walnut. "Goodnight crocodile," I said, and patted its softly contoured bumps.

Though anatomically innacurate, somehow it conveyed an essential crocodiley essence to the 3 year old.

At age 3, a child can, among other things:


speak in sentences
be independent to primary care giver
easily learn new words, places and people's names
anticipate routines
be toilet trained
play with toys in imaginative ways
attempt to sing in-time with songs

and

recognise crocodiles

HOW VAGUE DOES A CROCODILE SHAPED IN MODELLING CLAY OR SKETCHED HAVE TO BE IN ORDER FOR BENNIE NOT TO RECOGNISE THE BEAST?
I'm going to try some really crappy sketches on him later on.

Teletubbies love each other very much

Watching 2 fools in teletubby suits walking towards me, it struck me that some people in fancy dress overcompensate for their ludicrous appearance, acting very normal and walking and behaving as if they are not dressed up.

Don't do that. If you are attired silly-ly, act silly.

orggasms

Sena Vanhoose has sent me an e-mail entitled 'more orggasms'.
Upon opening the message I was presented with a link
to a product entitled 'New Orgasm Enhhancer'.

What the fuckk is wrrong with the old one?


gg has morphed to a hh error.
Now that is sexy, Sena.

The Draft

Feeling energetic after a piss I yanked the door to the toilets open with such force that the ensuing draft caused the coffee vending machine to give a little panicky squeak. (the toilet door is just a metre and a half from the Douwe Egberts-stocked object).

Big Daddy Kane

You're just a butter knife
I'm a machete
(from 'Ain't No Half-Steppin')

What kind of knife are you?

(flick knife, fish knife, meat cleaver, pairing knife, steak knife etcetera)

Answers on a Coast Pard