declining a request for exemption

Dear X

Ok, I understand your situation
but I shall have to decline your request
I'm afraid. Fluency or native speaker level
is not the issue.

We have had quite a few LS students with English
as their first language.
This is because the LS courses
are skills courses rather than general English courses.

Although being a native speaker
is a clear advantage,
presentation skills are not automatically acquired
with English fluency.

Regarding the issue of you now
being quite an expert at presenting,
I don't doubt that your need for the course
may be less now, given that you have done many presentations.

However, if we were to set a precedent
by allowing you an exemption
on this basis,
we would in effect invalidate all our courses;

the rule is that we only give exemptions
if someone has done an identical
or virtually identical course beforehand.
Making an exemption is unfair to other students

which is sort of what
"rules are rules"
(a rather empty-sounding phrase, granted)
implies.

I am happy to explain this in person
but I am not open
to negotiation
I'm afraid.

Anal Finishing School

It's a great honour to be able to address you on this occasion. I'm pleased to see so many familiar faces here. For the last three months I have been, shall we say, rather hard to reach, holed up in Galway working on a project. I have however found time to write a series of poems which I intend to publish as a sequence in the Spring. Here is the second in the sequence.

it is entitled:

Anal Finishing School

Gazelle

Marnix has long legs, particularly the lower leg. It is an elegant leg, slightly inward twisted when he walks. A football mum (of Lars) said he ran like a gazelle. This I think referred to his bounce and lanky grace. It's a nice animal to be compared to.

I did some sets of press-ups at the outdoor skatepark, which is nothing like a park really. I put my feet on the bench. Although this put more pressure on my arms, it seemed less strenuous than normal, especially with regards to blood rushing to the head. There are no other animals that do press-ups.

Before leaving for the 'skate park' I told Willem I would be ready in 5 minutes. He placed an egg-timer clock in front of me of the kind that rings in a tinny way when time is up. I was ready 2 minutes before the 5 had elapsed. I twisted the dial to '0' but it didn't ring.

Mix-up

I mixed up my words and said to Willem, "I want to talk to some things about you."

Mystery

Where last night's dream of protestant gangsters in Brixton teaming up with skinheads from Queens came from is a mystery to me. They all lived in a house. I was allowed to see the room of one of the gangsters, with its iron grille window. He had some stereo equipment in it. Another gangster was educated.

Grains Moyens

Le couscous permet la réalisation de nombreuses recettes simples et savoureuses.

get up so I can kill you and cuss you

All the neighbours seemed to have walked to the back of their gardens to cough, on that mid-summer evening seasoned with screams from the ferris wheel.

Odd that, screams from a ferris wheel.

Danger

he was following a train of thought - a second train hurtled down the track and slammed into his back

5 summer questions

Why isn't my uncle in the Jackson Five?
Would I enjoy knutselen?
Would I refuse foie gras?
Will a lizard shed part of its tail to escape what it perceives as danger?
How long should a blog entry be to achieve a ruminative quality and at what point does it escape the character of a Twitter message?
What do the children impart to adults on holiday?
Can words have umami?
Which of these questions qualify as 'summer questions'?