Roll Mops

I wavered at the fresh fish section at the god-forsaken supermarket. Rolmops or Zure haring? How much sourer would the latter be? And which would taste best tonight when I get home from quizzing at the Troubadour, not the the Chamber of Hell presided over by testy and charmless Frank but a backstreet tavern.

Brie de Meaux

I was not allowed to let the brie come to room temperature in our kitchen. Since the cellar and the shed are too cold, I was forced to leave it in the toilet.

Brie de Meaux is the real deal - ripe, stinky, pungent, farmy.

Extension Cable

H. cuddled a coil of orange extension cable in bed.

Smaart Appproach

Konieczny Lasselle [tenably@teclub.nl]
has suggested a "Smaart approach to arousal problems".

This individual, whose name for some reason reminds me of Kaiser Soce from the film 'The Usual Suspects' has sent me a link entitled "Definittive Ways to Keep Your Man or Woman Happy in Bed"

I will not assuage my curriossity this time. We can all learn and these ways may well be fruitful. However, I am consonantaphobic.

Happy Birthday (SCREAM)

Une nuit que j'étais
A me morfondre
Dans quelque pub anglais
Du coeur de Londres
Parcourant l'Amour Mons-
Tre de Pauwels
Me vint une vision
Dans l'eau de Seltz
B Initials
B Initals
B Initials B.B.

Crocs

I dreamt that mutant crocodiles were attacking. Some looked more human than crocodile. All were green and scary. I tried to hose them away but realised that this was futile since crocodiles are aquatic reptiles.

The hose I was using had a weak, pissy stream of water, rather like my shower. It was like trying to piss over a high hedge from the back of a long, dry lawn.

goedmaken

Emmelie went to wake up Willem to make up after a particularly bad evening (tantrums, bad behaviour etc).
"Schatje, ik kom het even goedmaken."
Not yet fully awake, he said,"When you have been blind, you need to learn how to see again."

clinical

I was biking across the stretch of patchy, squelchy grass in front of the Simon building listening to Surgeon, British DJ and purveyor of a clinical brand of the proverbial 'banging techno', on my iPod. Seeing a magpie in my path I barked at it and it flapped away to my right, landing a safe distance away. I did not scare it exactly but I certainly made it jump.

Though I am not saying the music definitely caused me to react to the bird in this way, I am reasonably sure that if I had been listening to some Debussy, I would not have barked at the magpie.

Yo, waddup Bird?

I went to see Onyx at 013.
Fredro Starr constantly referred to the audience as 'my real niggaz' and 'street niggaz'.

Now I'm a street nigga.

Warme Liefde

I was shelling pistachio nuts in the studio with Willem. I had put the iPod on shuffle and connected it to the hi-fi.

"Ai, Marieke Marieke..." sang Jacques Brel, as we munched the salty green kernels.
"I thought that was somebody in our house," said Willem.

Baby's hungry

Wytze grabbed the bowl of sweet potato and carrot puree from Linda.
"Laat mij het doen schatje; ik voel me anders zo nutteloos."

de stemming was opperbest

Ingrid said she did not think Menno Pot was deconstructing football chauvinism. He was chubby. I am skinny.

Later in the Cul, the DJ played an unadventurous and rather turgid selection of songs. I am seeing cliches everywhere, like pigeons.

Dirty pigeons at that.

FANITY

I passed a house
I liked it
They'd just had a girl, and there was a banner in the window
FANITY

Fanity.

Gijs van Schijndel's poetry made a dog bark at Zaal 16 on 10 March.
Not all live poetry can achieve that.

LIFE on staych,
GIVE IT UP forr
FANITY!!!

Icarus Schmicarus

A cyclist this morning, cycling hands free and flapping his hands up and down like wings, but then parallel to the bike. He crashed into a stationary car and flew up into the air, executed a double somersault and landed in a mound of sweet wet sand. His flabby buttocks cushioned his fall, but his composure was ruffled....

blog title: Adrian Mitchell poem

You can taste it in the bacon

I once told Daniel that my butcher was (and indeed still is) gay.
"You can taste it in the bacon," he said.

You can not.

OvErReAcTiOn

"You've bought a new phone charger????"
"Yes."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"That's insane. INSANE!!"

Crocodile identification

Benjamin was saying "crocodile! crocodile!" in the bathroom but all I could see was a triceratops. I scanned the shlef (SPECIAL KIND OF SHELF) below the morror (LARGE DEEP MIRROR) and spotted a tiny, bright green maggotty toy 'crocodile', about the size of a walnut. "Goodnight crocodile," I said, and patted its softly contoured bumps.

Though anatomically innacurate, somehow it conveyed an essential crocodiley essence to the 3 year old.

At age 3, a child can, among other things:


speak in sentences
be independent to primary care giver
easily learn new words, places and people's names
anticipate routines
be toilet trained
play with toys in imaginative ways
attempt to sing in-time with songs

and

recognise crocodiles

HOW VAGUE DOES A CROCODILE SHAPED IN MODELLING CLAY OR SKETCHED HAVE TO BE IN ORDER FOR BENNIE NOT TO RECOGNISE THE BEAST?
I'm going to try some really crappy sketches on him later on.

Teletubbies love each other very much

Watching 2 fools in teletubby suits walking towards me, it struck me that some people in fancy dress overcompensate for their ludicrous appearance, acting very normal and walking and behaving as if they are not dressed up.

Don't do that. If you are attired silly-ly, act silly.

orggasms

Sena Vanhoose has sent me an e-mail entitled 'more orggasms'.
Upon opening the message I was presented with a link
to a product entitled 'New Orgasm Enhhancer'.

What the fuckk is wrrong with the old one?


gg has morphed to a hh error.
Now that is sexy, Sena.

The Draft

Feeling energetic after a piss I yanked the door to the toilets open with such force that the ensuing draft caused the coffee vending machine to give a little panicky squeak. (the toilet door is just a metre and a half from the Douwe Egberts-stocked object).

Big Daddy Kane

You're just a butter knife
I'm a machete
(from 'Ain't No Half-Steppin')

What kind of knife are you?

(flick knife, fish knife, meat cleaver, pairing knife, steak knife etcetera)

Answers on a Coast Pard

Dark Side

Emmelie dreamt she was in 'The Wire'. They had tapped her phone and she was going to go over to the dark side. "That's Star Wars," I said